Weird Girls Who Make Your Coffee

Rose was born, child actress, on the fifth day of the snow.

It's so easy to compare myself to everyone around me. Does everyone feel like that at one time or another? I see girls who know how to talk to guys, who walk around in groups with short-sleeve shirts like they don't have a care in the world. But I noticed that the people who really smile back at you or ask you questions are the ones who are a bit odd, a bit over- or under-dressed either way. The ones who are shy and a little scared to show who they are. The ones who stand out a bit. I spend most of my days alone, which I don't mind since I value alone time. But when I start to feel like there's something wrong with me, I remember the people I really look up to. They're not conventional, nor did they worry what other people thought to get to where they are. They had faith in themselves, faith that they could be who they wanted despite society's reactions. I don't want to change myself to fit into a world I don't really like anyways. I'll keep to myself when I must, making myself the best I can be for me, and then see if the world takes the bait. Maybe (surely) there are other steps involved, but right now, that's where I am. Whenever I feel down or like a freak, I remember this idea. I'm not like most girls here on campus or in my age/societal status group. Sometimes I speak with accents by accident. Accidental accents. Sometimes I like to sit and stare at the water or the sky or a bird and think about it, from all sides. I like falling asleep to astrophysics documentaries and biology tutorials. I crave knowledge yet am weighed down by procrastination. I worry that my life is passing me by, so I try to cheat it. I try to make it more complicated, only to end up in dumb situations and revert to the past. I'm beyond awkward. I almost never laugh. I find small triumphs in having a normal conversation with a stranger. Yeah, so maybe I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I'm still growing and learning. Every day. So I'm not gonna say that I'm right just how I am now. But I'm good. I should start feeling more comfortable with letting people know me. It's hard. I'm not focused on finding a boyfriend or whatever. I just want to learn as much as I can about what interests me and what's important, hone my skills to become a dangerous, free-thinking weapon to society and standards, and show genuine kindness to people when I can. If people want to be my friend or fall for me, okay. If not, okay. I just need to be me.