Boy Short

It's sold and bought.


I have written two songs. One is about leaving someone or something you love and have grown accustomed to. The other one is about a girl I went to school with freshman year, who is now dying. Why not me? I am a bad person. Even for saying.
I want to take all of the ugliness in the world: the cancerous cells, the crying faces, the worried women: and fill it with music.
But here's what I want to do. I want to find someone, pull them into the warm summer night, and drive endless miles until morning; just in silence.

You Make It Beautiful, Friend

You make it worth it to the end.

Today, April 2, 2012, is a momentous day. It truly is. It was a lovely day, driving through the rougher parts of my lovely state and seeing the wildflowers grow in the streets and yards of strangers. Not going to school until 11 AM. I wish I could do this everyday. If I could, I would spend everyday driving around the country, playing tennis, reading Hemingway, gardening, and conversing with my dearest friends.

I had such fun today. I don't like days where some grand, false event happens, like a school dance or a first date... The kind of days where you know you are supposed to be happy. I don't like supposing to be happy, and I don't like events that plan for a good time or a smile. Because these joys just come in life, if you have everything sorted out right and true; you don't really need school dances or first dates to be happy. Just a jig in the rain and a kiss on the palm will do.

There was a small moment today, where I smiled and the person I was smiling at had this look of confusion. Sometimes I think I smile too big, greet too happily. Look like I'm in love. I'm really not. I have a lot of good things in my heart, but also a lot of evil. The human heart is truly the harbouring home for God and the devil; the pulpit at which both preach; the stand at which both debate a side. Lord knows I've seen a lot, but there's a lot more to see.

So now I'm all alone, finishing off a day exactly how it's meant to be finished: reading French literature, listening to Sufjan Stevens, and sipping ice water. That's love and that's happiness for me now; it's enough to hold me over into adulthood.