Something About Me

I think my biggest flaw is my loyalty. It's a flaw to me. I meet someone and I'm loyal to them forever. The only way I can stop is if they treat me awfully, drive me away, give me 12,653 reasons to leave. And even then, I press on and tell myself they'll come back. That's how it was with you, Joe. It's an awful flaw... But I guess it's just "one of my things." I am also very, very jealous. I am very crazy, too. I am weird, I am crazy, sometimes I get blue. But I hope you still mean the things you said to me, because I still mean my half. I miss that time when I was a part of your life. Now I'm so far away, and we can still talk, but I miss doing things together, living days together, spending time together. It's not the same--who can we kid? It will never be the same as it was this summer. I mean, in a way it was oddly similar when I went back. I felt the same way about and around you. I still do now. But we can't ever go back to last summer. I wish we could sometimes. Life was so simple. I could just get in my car, drive around, and know that soon I'd be hanging out with you. It didn't matter where we went or what we did, just that we were next to each other. That's really all I want. Just to be next to you. But more than anything... I'd give it up: I'd give up you liking me, being able to hold your hand, you putting your arms around me--I'd give all that loveliness up just to get to know you better. I find you fascinating. Is that so wrong? And when I'm with you, I sometimes even find myself fascinating, too. I guess you just make me feel clean. No one can do that. And if you do find someone else, which you probably will, I will be honest in saying I will be very jealous and blue at first. But like I said, I'd give it up as long as you stayed my friend. Loving someone is so hard, but it's so lovely. Only 3 1/2 weeks until I see you again! And then after that, only 3 weeks! I am still wondering why distance hasn't made me forget you? It's a phenomena I will never fully understand. Talk to me soon because I want you to, please.