Precisely 4:15

When he stopped existing, the world should have ended.
How could it go on when I don't exist?

I realize once again, here I am, and I'm all I have. The power of an idea, it can speak like a mountain, spread like anthrax. Lick the seal and send it off. Words. It's like once you know this game, you can do what you want. I'm mesmerized by the thought of improving myself. It's dangerous, though. The further you get towards perfection, the closer you get towards insanity. It's just impossible to keep up with. And lord knows I want to be everything, do everything, feel everything at least once or 10 times before I die. It's not enough. I soak it in, the dumb hybrids circling around the parking lot, caught in a vicious cycle just for a place to park their ass, grab an Americano, and head off to shave my assistant manager's beard... All of those people, circling endlessly. Caught in a little stage between not busy enough to feel secure yet not slow enough to feel relaxed. Two wrongs certainly aren't going to make a right. I am a vessel, moving through this fucked up beauty, and I am in control. It's crazy, kids, so say it with me: I am in control. Why do I belittle myself? Dumb myself down? Disallow opinionated rhetoric to flow from my mouth? I keep my head down, I keep to myself a lot. But I have no idea how to stand up for myself. I mean, several times I have. But other times it's a lot harder. Like at work. Or at school. Why am I so weak? I wish I could utilize my body and words and thoughts best. I wish I could have the knowledge to defend myself against stupidity and injustice. I deal with small scale stuff, work, school, home, friends, sometimes strangers. But it's a bad mindset to have. But how do I get stronger? I need to scare myself. Insecurity is just hiccups.