Tent

Please, remember me happily, by the rose bush laughing.

I am camping in my backyard!!! I pitched a two-man tent, filled it with books and blankets and made some popcorn. Yum! It's quite nice. It's a different air. I like it. I've been thinking about Pitseleh a lot lately. I made it through a week of college quite nicely. Things are easier now. My personality is better. Tonight I closed at work with Nic and Matt. It wasn't so bad. Nic told me that he's bipolar and he's been on a lot of medicine. He says he knows that he's an asshole. He also said that he got shitfaced at the holiday party to prove a point. I dunno. I think he's got a lot of growing up to do as of yet. He probably shouldn't drink so much, if he does. It seems like alcohol is a big hit with some people. I like it, but I'm all uptight you know what I mean. I dunno. I don't even know what I mean. I like college. What I don't like is this little tickle in my throat. It's been there for a while. It's probably because I smoke, but oh well. I barely smoke at school. One cigarette a day, at most. I feel shitty smoking at school. Not sure why. But I love smoking when I'm home or at work. I'm so odd. I love me. Ha, ha.

I don't know. Life is still sometimes hard, but I feel things have gotten a lot better. It's time, really. I'm feeling better, stable on my meds, I love my job, starting school. I feel okay. I'm planning for some better stuff ahead, all in due time. There are a lot of things I'm looking forward to, but sometimes I worry they won't happen. I want to take this tent and go cross country like my dad did. I so so so so so so so so so so so badly want to fuck a boy. I'm 19 and a virgin. Soon I will be 20 and a virgin. I'd go out and fuck some rando, but I want my first time to be important. I want to lose my virginity to someone who is memorable, who I can tell stories about, who knows how to make love, whose love is an opiate.

What else? I work tomorrow from 2-4:30. That's a very short shift.

Everything you are is everything we have.
You're the only good thing.
A sun came.
It burned our faces round, burned our faces red.
You are still the rake, the rock from the enemy.
There is still a house, a cage for the enemy.
When my friends turned out, I found out there's still a Lord.
I've never felt so lonely...
A sun came.