Hydrocodone

He said 8 things to me in our friendship.

I called you last night and you had taken 2 hydrocodones. You were listening to Beethoven and Rachmaninoff, browsing Facebook, apparently chatting with someone you feel something for. But you are ruled by silly things. Things that die out, that don't last. You think that someone else can make you better, but they can't. It's all you. Everything good, everything bad, is controlled by you. We can love, but we cannot help. I could never make you happy, but I could sit with you if you need someone in that moment. I could see the darkest parts of you and love you more. I do. I see the hatred and the sadness and the things you push to the bottom. They are flawless, beautiful. Sometimes I don't think you're a good person, but I know that overall you will be okay. Maybe one day I'll say something and you'll remember it and it'll be good advice. It'll help you in a dark moment. Don't hurt yourself, especially mentally. You want to make the world better, but why? Who told you to? I see one thing about you that I love more than anything. You are human, more so than anyone I've ever met. I learned from watching you. And here's the thing about humans: once you see inside someone, you can never let them go truly. Wherever you are in the world. you made a friend. Even if nothing feels the same, (like when I saw Zach), and it's not as good, you can rest well at night knowing you have a piece of the world in yourself. I know wherever I go, I can miss you but I will always know that I dug deep for you. That keeps me living. I did it once, twice, many times before. I have that capability. I am saved. I am safe. Remember last winter at Notre Dame? How you ached, physically, mentally, in every way, from missing Zach? You stopped eating. You started drinking. You cried into your dinner plates around complete strangers and you kept yourself going only by watching movies where people got hurt or rejected or heartbroken. That was a hard time. Remember how you told yourself you preferred this last summer to the one before? That although you enjoyed a period of INSANE joy, you felt better learning? Why do I think so so so so so much?