You

If you wanna come over, come over and get high.

Aqua velva. 7 times. 11 minutes, gone. Give me 5 and a half, you'll have the rest, I'll save you for a bit. You make me want to open every textbook I used to own, read them all. To read every book in the Round Rock Public Library. You make me want to know things. Fuck, you're better than a boyfriend. Way better. You're a friend. You're a boy. A man. You're the first person my age I've thought of as a man. I love your eyes, so much it kills me sometimes. Seeing them as you slide down,  sheets on top of your back, sliding down my legs, up to meet me. I love seeing the freckles on your shoulders, that angular little bone that juts out. Little tufts of hair on your chest. Your back in front of your closet as you put on your work shirt, the way you crawl into bed with just boxers on. The way you carry me. Throw me onto the bed, the only place we stay. Where we talk, breathe in each other. Commit to me. I know you won't. Commitment is disappointment. You don't love me at all, and that breaks my heart. You're far too good to love a person like me. Makes me want to cry. I want to see you cry. I want to make you laugh again, like when I bit your neck and asked how I was doing. You were a different person then. I don't know what I feel towards you. It's this dark, scary abyss in my heart that stares at me when I drive around smoking cigarettes. I can get you off my mind. Sometimes, when I don't see you for a few days, I think I just woke up from a dream. I have dreams about you where you treat me like shit. I think I'm just expecting that from you. I'm just waiting for you to lose interest, to hurt me. I love love love love love love your face. So typical. But I do. Everything about it. If I had to choose a favorite thing, I'd chose your mouth. The way it kinda perks about when you talk or sleep, I look over at you in the middle of the morning and smile forever. God damn it you're so you. Weird as fuck. Don't say anything for a bit, just let me stay the night. I want to hate you, I want to fight with you. I want it all. I want the happiness, the sadness, the beauty, the moments. I feel like it's just not enough. It's an insatiable desire to just see stuff with you. I love your dark side. I love love love love love love everything...about you. I don't know if I'd change anything. I'd make you love me madly, that's what I'd change. That would sure complicate things, considering I met you 2 months ago. Move fast, let's get there now. No destination. Just living. I don't understand anything, so please let me come over and hold me. I know I could come over right now. You'd let me. Maybe. But come on. Fuck fuck fuck this is scary as hell. It's ephemeral. Every cigarette I smoke makes me want to lose my virginity less and less, but I know losing it to you would be comfortable. It's not even physical. But I couldn't, because nobody can guarantee that things would be either 1) the same or 2) different but better after. If they were worse, if they were bad, I would never ever in a million years do it. When you kiss my cheek, holy fuck. Seeing your face when you kiss my hand. Seeing your eyes. Fuck fuck fuck... Ugh. You. Why do you make me feel this? I can't even put it into words. You're better than a friend even. You're someone I can connect with, and the sweetness is unbearable. To just think of you. Oh my word. I want to be with you tonight. I restrain myself because a) we both need sleep and b) not talking to you makes me fucking WANT YOU! Argghh. I'm so confused by you. I haven't seen you for ....... 36 hours. And I miss you. I love the chain you wear, I like playing with it. It makes me feel comfortable. You didn't kiss me that night. You wanted to, but you didn't. I want to get to know you more and more and more and more every single day. Once is never enough. I want to lay in bed with you and know you forever. ARGH FUCK THIS. I'll never meet someone like you again. Different, but never like you. I could go on about you forever, but I won't. I want to sit here and think about you.