I Just Met You I Love You

Yo te quiero con limon y sal.
Yo te quiero tal y como estas.


I fucking hate this. This feeling of love for another human being. It's my greatest fear. It's in my heart and I know it. Get out. I can't have you in there, ruining my facades. I have seen kindness in his face. We've gone for 2 drives. Okay. We've driven so fast I thought I'd die. We've held hands, and now I wish I had held his hand when he told me what happened with his old friend. I wish I had held his hand, touched his arm, looked at his eyes the whole time he was with me. But I am tough and I am confused. I love this kid. It's too scary. Because I need to trust him. He's my friend now, we decided. To me, that's important. Why should I break down and doubt him? Let him give me every reason. But first, let me love fully. I don't know how to love. I do not even know how to be a person. He told me I don't need to run. It's not enough, is right. It can never be enough. No, not just the time spent with people I love. But what we are capable of doing. What we are trained to do, our fates. Can I escape it? I am an agent. Tell yourself that everyday. I am I am I am an agent. I am bound in this flesh, thoughts under a head of pretty hair, but is that me?

I am grieving my past few years. I must move on now. I feel almost stuck. I am grieving that fact that I never allowed myself to just be me. I looked at somebody else and said, "Let me live by her standards." It sounded good at the time, but it turned out to be extremely unhealthy. I am at a turning point, no doubt. I just lost my best friend of 5 years, but nothing is as it seems. I need to deal with this and start anew. I can be ANYTHING I want. That's fucking terrifying. My lord. There is nothing that binds me anymore. I have been released, and I have no clue what to do. That's why I keep to myself. I have no clue what else to do. Am I happy? I guess. I can't tell.

You told me you aren't afraid to die. You told me that you are afraid of the unknown. I love you, and I've known you for a week. Will we be friends for years? Or will I just stop loving you?