Acrobat

I love the way you take a walk.

I love love love feeling sober more than anything I realize. I've had these experiences, now what? It can't keep getting worse. I just wish I had some more control over my mind. We don't know anything about it, do we? Last night, all I felt was protectiveness for you. Lauren was trying to get me to call you, I wouldn't do it. When I did, you sounded good. We are both so weird. I guess you just get used to this, you just jump over new hurdles. I want nothing more, I'm slowly realizing, than to get to know you. Get to hate you, but stick by you anyways. At this point, amidst the smoke and booze and tripping and weirdness, I just feel like there's so much longer to go. Too many hours I need to spend with you. How do I even feel about you? We could be the weirdest friends ever, but nothing is ever known when we're always on something. Come down. Spend a night with me. That's the substance I love most. Just you. Nothing else. It's like, when I'm with you, I don't want to be on anything at all, because it would ruin it. It didn't feel like that with Gmo. It felt like I needed to be drunk to have fun. I miss you now. I wish I was with you. I know you don't feel like this, you just think I'm cool. It's like I had this awareness, Don't fuck anything up. I like the forgetfulness I felt before. I'm just being so careful now. I don't really like it. I'm just trying to find the positive in it. Yeah. I'm scared of myself. I feel like the fear was coming up, this intense intense fear. And love, too. The love led me to just do things right. To keep myself at bay, the bad parts of me. Wow. Now I want to just visit Taylor and smoke some Malboros. That'd be nice. Mmm. This changes things. Okay. That's fine. Just deal with it. It's like what you learned in psychology, about going to a different level and then having to adjust. There you go. You just feel like a new task. That's fine, fine. He's bored 'cuz he's there. That's fine. It's just my first time. I'll wait until I'm better to make any more decisions. I don't think I should go to work, though. It'll be too trippy.

So let's think about this. I missed English, which is fine because it's just the rest of the movie. I can probably find it somewhere else. I need to do my journal entry for next time. Then read all those poems. Do some journal entries. What else... I need to eat something right now. Then what. For government... Nothing. Just read chapter 8. I think being fucked up really helps me appreciate being sober a lot more. It makes me realize I like just being me. That's good. Anyways. For theatre, just do... I don't know. Whatever, I'm just going to do what I need to do. It's easy to. Not everything has to be by the rules. :) What now. Hmm. I'm deciding whether or not to go into work. Hmmmmmm. I'd like to not. To just lay around. Wow, no more of this on weekdays. Noooo way.