Redeemed

I am redeemed.

I am afraid to talk about God for fear that he'll go away. It's like when I like somebody, I try to stay away from them because I know it's too good to be true. But maybe that's the relationship I need to be in right now. Not with Zach, not with some other boy, but with God. I have some beautiful struggle going on right now, and I know it's hard, but it's God's plan for me. In the end, I will be better for it... It's hard right now, and I know I don't understand why a lot of times, but I'm trying to put my trust in the Lord. He blessed me with the gift of faith on July 7, 2013. I don't know why, but it's time now. I'm so personal about this, too. Who I am to others and who I am myself are two different things, but I'm sacred. I know I am. I want to get to a balance to where I can keep that privacy but also share enough to form relationships. I'm growing, and Lord knows I'll be growing until the day I die. The Lord has GREAT plans for me, but I don't know them yet. Plans for greatness and for love, for joy. Not just my joy, but to bring joy to others. My heart is not in the right place now, and I need to accept that right now. I need to accept that only God can get me to the place I want to be. It's going to hurt (and it's always going to surprise me how much), I'm going to have to be nasty and jealous and a person I don't want to be, but I am holding the hand of God. When I walk alone, I don't really. I want with Jesus. He guides my feet and now I want him to guide my heart. Lord, PLEASE keep me strong tomorrow. I will pray to you in my moments when I feel helpless. I need to know what to do, where to go. I have some roads to travel and I know it. Be with me Lord. Please.