Fine Lines

I really wanna love somebody.

Hanging around you is such a fine line, and I love it. I don't know what will happen. I'm not gonna let myself care a lot, okay? Then, I'm going to wait and see. And in the end, what happens, happens. I will do what I feel like I want to. I never know how it's going to go with you. Sometimes I just wonder if you'll call it quits with me. If you'll say, and mean it, that we can't be friends anymore. Who else is in your life? I don't know, but I feel like yours is one of the only places I can go in and feel fine. You're a bit fucked up, and I like that. You call me a mess, you call me trouble, you call me a baby. You make fun of me and the shit I say. But you're so human. You're not even lovely, you know? I don't know what you are, and I love that. You're something I can't figure out. I love it so much. But whatever happens is fine with me. You want to own up to your actions, but I don't give a shit. If I'm drunk, I'm gonna do dumb stuff. I'm gonna play around. Then I'll forget it. I mean, I won't really. Just in the important sense. Oh my gosh I am just so happy. I woke up this morning, knowing I had to play it cool. You're teaching me how. Just let me be me. I think you're cool the way you are. But it's such a fucking fine line. I could never like something simple. You have such a loud laugh, and you love to be obnoxious. Sometimes I'm embarrassed. Like when we were at Kerby Lane. You care? It's something wrong with me, remember? You need to calm down. Can't help you there, but I can come around if you want me to. Don't be cocky. Don't make me seem like I'm nothing, all right? No need to douse me with compliments and that shit. Just be real. And you ARE. Fuck..... I woke up today thinking, "Is today gonna be good?" IT WAS. You make me so weirdly happy but not. There's nothing familiar about this. And I don't care what you wanna do with me, really. You think it matters, you gotta own up to it. I don't give a shit! I like fooling around, you know? I'm finally about to just do what I want and not have a serious face there judging me. So don't you doing that, don't you go and be an adult or whatever. Keep surprising me if you want. I like it. I'll keep coming over, we can do whatever. I liked how yesterday I walked in the door and we just started talking. Everything gets fucked up. You offered me water first, haha. Love that. I can't put this into words, not wanting to express something I'm not really feeling. Is it the alcohol (still) talking? Don't care. I gotta get this out to Lolo. I'm glad she texted me. LIFE IS FINALLY IS A NORMAL PLACE.