Smell of Steel

Opus 23.

It would seem that my life has changed oddly in the past week.
I don't want to call Jenna because I'm afraid. I hate finality. Yesterday I told Gmo we should keep it pro-fressh and that was hard for me. I just find it horridly difficult to make decisions and stick with them and feel good about myself. But the sad fact of the matter is that right now, I am living at home. I can't afford any troubles. Once I'm away, I will have the freedom to come and go as I please, do as I please. Perhaps I am a selfish person, but I am only this way to find out who the hell I am. For so long, shit was piled on top of my true personality. I feel it has almost died. I can always see every side to an argument except mine.
So I'm afraid because I have never been able to say what I want to say. That is my fault, not hers. I have the freedom to speak as I wish, I just chose to drown it down in fear. Who knows: things could have been so much better. Truth is, I'd probably just have another set of stuff to deal with. That's life. But right now I'm learning stuff that preschoolers are: how to socialize. TBC.