I need affection. I'm finding that just as not only a human but as Bianca, me, I need certain things. Food, sleep, water. Shelter, love. Things I've had. Experience. Now, sex. Affection. Good conversation. Relaxation. Sometimes I do get very annoyed at myself, especially when I start to stand up for myself. It's like I've been primed to be a sweet nothing wisp, then when I break out of that, I feel horrible. So odd to feel horrible for that. It'd be nice to not feel like that, to not feel like people are staring at you or thinking of you in a certain way. It'd be nice to see the world for what it is. I don't need to conform to any one certain group. I like what I like, so I should be who I am. That takes strength. Because naturally, we want others to like us. I do want people to like me. But I'm realizing that self-respect is more important. I can't let people walk all over me or be rude in what they say. I'm very loyal to a person once I've seen their goodness, but I've learned a bit of how to be good to me, too.
Things I wish:
I wish I really had a best friend.
I wish I could have sex. Like now. ARGH I AM SO SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED WHY DID I WAIT SO LONG TO HAVE SEX NOT WORTH THE WAIT AT ALL ARGH I WILL HURT SOMEONE but I'm so shy!! AAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH I HATE BEING HUMAN AND HAVING HORMONES. I'M LIKE A FUCKING 13 YEAR OLD BOY!!
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