Fields of Gold

We'll forget the sun and its jealous sky.

I remember how at Notre Dame I would listen to that song and think about Zach and our house and how much I loved him. I really loved him so much. I was crazy for that kid. And I do miss our house. I want so badly to go back there with him. It'd be fun to film us playing some songs there. This song actually makes my heart hurt a lot, just remembering those days. Today in class a lovely lady named Sylvia Donley played some songs. I told her my name and that I was a musician and she told me to come to an event and bring my guitar; it's later in April. She was very nice. She was divorced, but I don't know why. She's really pretty and funny. But then again, it is 2014.

I was thinking about you tonight, Ryan. I feel a nice feeling towards you, something like tenderness and humanity. I remember how you make me teas and sandwiches and you'd take care of me. I feel safe around you. I feel like the world can't hurt me. You made me take my hands away from my face, you tell me not to be embarrassed. You're kind. I feel okay in your arms, and I like feeling your warmth. I like your heart, feeling it beat. I like your breath, too. I like a lot about you, that sometimes I wanna cry. I'll always remember you. I hope if I die, someone will find these words so you can know how much I loved you. I tried to tell you in that letter, but it just goes beyond that. I will remember you as a beautiful person. The first friend to really show me kindness. You say you're glad we're still friends, and I am, too. I like to talk with you. Give and take. We are good to each other in a world that can be mean. You told me once to shut up, I told you many times I hated you. But then we hug each other goodbye and I speed off in my car, ride down 620, smoke a cigarette, and all those people don't matter. The people who hurt me, who ignore me, who call me bad things. They can't hurt me. My god how I wish all good things for you. I want so much for you to be happy. I wish I knew all the words to make you happy. I wish I knew how to make you never sad or guilty or dislike yourself. If I could make you see your loveliness, I don't think you'd be sad again. I miss some things about you, but please stay with me. Infatuation never lasts. Friendship might. I hope to see you soon.