Pitseletters

If anyone asks, you've got a prescription. You've got an addiction.

I'm tired of feeling like nobody wants me. I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself. I'm tired. I'm tired. I lay here in fucking bed, after being so successful, what happened to me? I want this, don't I? I brag about it, how awful I am. What is wrong with me? Truly, what is wrong? Tonight, I'm a little mad at you, yeah. I'm just a little mad. More than anything, I'm confused. Everything feels fuzzy and I don't know who I am. I can't get a grip on anything tonight. I don't want to sleep or move. Now I get what Dee said, but I always have. I have so much and I'm really grateful. That's the thing, right? Love yourself. But I just fucking want to talk to you without feeling like a monster. I'm mad and I want to yell at you. I do. I want to tell you how fucking confused I am and I don't want to smile or play dumb anymore. I don't want to think people are looking at me. I'm so confused beyond belief. I just don't know how to be a person at ALL. I can't feed myself, dress myself. I know that the further I go into crazy, the worse I'll get. The more drugs, the happier I'll be for a bit, then I'll remember all the stuff I forgot. Nothing wipes it away. Nothing makes me feel clean. Fuck. I just got mad at Ryan because he said he couldn't hang out. The problem is I just don't want him to be perfect. I want to just chill and do homework or whatever. I just don't want to go home. Zach said no, Zack, Shannon,... Fuck this shit. I've changed so much it's quite amazing. I'm selfish now, dumb now, lazy now. I CAN'T DECIDE WHO TO BE. I just need something. Something. It's not Ryan that I need, not love, not family. It's peace of mind. I can't fucking get that. Peace of mind. I want to draw and create and graffiti and run and be free. I can't do anything nice. Done with this. So done. So so so so so so so done. So here's the plan, once and for all.

1) Finish watching AHS.
2) Eyebrows.
3) HOMEWORK. FUCK MY LIFE DO YOUR WORK.