Mine Mine I Want

Please respect the candles as they lie.

Here's a novel thought: Don't give a fuck! I love that. At any moment, I can just stop giving a fuck. There's a lot I want to do that's not permissible. I know what I want for my birthday now. A puppy. It's like a baby, but for younger people. Yup, I want a puppy. That is all. What else. I wish I had my Holga with me. Other than that, I'm doing "fine", ignoring my problems and just living it out until May 10. I can handle it. I don't mind it. I just wish I could surround myself with better people. My friends here are all right but not the best. I'm trying to focus less on them and more on me, though. I can't control who they are, but I know I want to be a good person. I deviate from this at times, yea, but I want it. I want to be good to people, but not a door mat. I want to spread joy, like that guy that gave me a cookie at the bloodbank today. Maybe that's why I impulsively donated blood today. I just wanted to do something good, do what I felt, not stopped and said, "But..." I catch myself doing that a lot. I have so much social anxiety, but it's fine. It makes me cute. I don't know if anybody will ever be able to love me the way I'm meant to be loved, and if not, fine. I still have myself, and I'm wonderful. If I lost that, that'd be the problem. As for men? You can have them. They're nice to look at, but they cause me too much trouble. For now I have to focus on myself. Sorry. Thanks. Great.