Stay Young, Go Dancing

We're one mistake from being together.

So I'm sitting in Jeannette and Robin's dorm room (as per usual) listening to popular songs from 2008-ish, 2009-ish, when I was a freshman in high school. Such nostalgia. Although I didn't really like the pop music (I still don't like today's music...), it's weird to hear it and think, "Oh wow, that song is so *old*!" I remember when Soulja Boy Tell Em was a super-hit and the lame school DJs (AKA an iPod or some older students) were playing "Shake It" by Metro Station and it was hip! Now I hear it and I'm like, "Oh I remember that Valentine's Day dance in freshman year when blah blah blah happened!" It's funny how my time spent with Joe wasn't as special as my times with Zach. I guess after all is said and done, I didn't like Joe that much. Weird, because at the time I thought I really did. I guess in the future when I meet another guy I can fall in love with, I'll be like, "Oh this is so different from Joe and Zach!" I know that's a long ways away though. I really don't mind being single, actually. I remember when I was younger (like 13) all I wanted was a boyfriend. I was so curious about how kissing felt or how it would feel to have a guy's arm around my shoulder. Now that I'm a bit older and I know how these things are (though not that much... I've only "been with" two guys...), I know that it's really nice to kiss and hold someone's hand and slow dance and be romantic, but it's worth waiting for the right guy. I could never be one of those girls who has a new beau every month or even every year. I'm really serious about it. I know that Zach is wonderful and pretty much everything I want in a guy, but if he cannot love me then he cannot love me. It's just that simple. And I shouldn't disrespect myself by trying to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. If he changes his mind and still wants a relationship, well, cool (as long as I still do... Depends when this would happen...). But if not, I shouldn't hang on to foolish hope. So I'm just fine being single. I actually like it. I've learned a lot from Joe and Zach. I'm glad that Joe and I are all cool and stuff and not hating each other (it's been 4 years--why would we??). Right now things are awkward-ish with Zach, but it's okay. I don't think it'll last forever. I kind-of swerve back and forth between being really upset about it and wishing he could love me, and then I just tell myself it's all right and it'll end. I really do want to be his friend, though. He's really cool and we have so much fun together! It'd be a shame to lose such a good friend just because we couldn't overcome a hard time. I know Jenna and I went through a lot of hard times together, but we've stayed friends. Even when we were really mad at each other. Things seem bad-ish (I'm saying -ish so much!) right now in this moment, but who knows, maybe they'll get better over the summer? I hope we get to do some of the cool things on our list... I also want to go to our house again and hang out and just talk. That's one thing I've always liked about Zach: we can just talk for hours and it doesn't get boring or old. It feels like time goes so fast when we're together, which is sad because I like our times together. I'm excited, though, to hang out. And hopefully he'll be able to drive, too, so it'll be a bit easier. We'll see. Can't wait! The thing I did learn from briefly being with Zach is what it feels like to be with someone I really love. It's amazing... There's no way to describe the excitement of it. Even the simplest thing, like going to the mall, becomes an adventure! And Zach is actually a nice guy and a gentleman (Joe wasn't as much... I mean, he was nice, but he was kind-of immature), so I'm glad I got to learn what it's like to be treated well. He also wouldn't really tolerate excluding people just because we're together, which I've learned to like (to a point). I know when I meet a nice guy next, I won't want to become like *that* couple. You know, the one that's always together and they're each other's lives and other people feel awkward around. I'd want to be more like Kyle and Jenna. They're fun to hang out with and they have separate friends and lives, but they're also really good together. I used to think that it was "cute" to be the always-together couple, but that'd be creepy and annoying. Hmm. Maybe that's why Zach didn't want to hang out so much. I don't know. The reason I wanted to spend more time with him, though, isn't because I felt like I *should*, but because I just wanted to! We have fun, and why not have fun when you can, right? We'll see how this summer goes. I know I want to paint more... Take an art class with Jenna! I want to go to the beach with friends at least once... Do music camp again maybe... Work at the Container Store? Run more! (Holy Half 10K is in a month! AHH!)... What else... Go to the pool and the lake... Watch movies... Sleepovers... Drive all over town, and out of town... Go downtown... Austin has so much more to do than South Bend, that's for sure! All I have to look forward to here is Eddy Street Commons and Hobby Lobby--which, by the way, I am excited to go to this weekend to buy PAINT!! WOO!! Ooh, I could also write more music this summer. I don't have much of a chance to here.

Let's see... This blog post is pretty normal. Woah! Well I should be reading Philosophy. It's a long reading and I *hate* reading for Philosophy... But of course I am procrastinating! Let's see... Tomorrow I have to walk to Club Hes in the morning (ew that means leaving for class 10 minutes earlier than usual... like, 9:10! So early!) and then I have Contemporary Topics (YUCK YUCK YUCK) in Rolf's (so at least it's close... Yay?) and then lunch at 1:45... Then... running! So I'll be done around 4 PM... Then a bit of homework (maybe) and dinner, then more homework, relaxation time, and sleepy time! Sounds fun... sounds normal. Hmm. Well, the good news is that after this week is done, there's only two weeks until SPRING BREAK! YUSS! And then I'm halfway done with the semester. Then there's only a quarter left of FRESHMAN YEAR! NO MORE BEING A FRESHMAN! YESS! I hate being a freshman... I want to be a sophomore. The best is being a senior because you're all settled in and nostalgic. Can't wait.

So I started this blog post to remind my future self who might read this: GO DANCING WITH YOUR FUTURE SIGNIFICANT OTHER, AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE (AMAP)! Also, make sure he can play guitar or something so you can sing together. And... that he likes to exercise so you can go on long runs (on the beach, how sweet!) together... What else.. Yeah, I'll think of more later. But definitely go dancing. !!! SO IMPORTANT! Okay, should I read for Philosophy now? Yeah? Oh well, okay.