It Was Nearly Midnight in Honolulu

Get the fuck away from me.
Why don't you ever shut up?

There was a weird bug on my bed. I tried to puff some air on him as a warning to fly away, y'know, because I'm a human and we kill things, but he just kinda curled up more. I tried to scooch him away, but he curled up even tighter. I starting pushing his little body off my bed onto the floor and he didn't fight. So in the end, he was so self-deprecating I just shoved him off to the floor. Fuck the feeble.

I'm very open to cultures. Deaf, African, Mexican, valley girl, stoner, I can join them all and be okay. It's because I don't know what the fuck I am so I have this horrible desire to latch on to everything around me that is artificial. It's all a distraction from the monster in the mirror.

Fuck the feeble.

Fuck depression.

I am finishing what I couldn't earlier. I sat in bed, munchies, dragging my sorry sweaty ass to lecture and naptime. I'm sick of that. The pendulum is ever-swinging, though slowly. Defies the laws of physics, what I learned from a nun a few years ago. As a child, I'm sheltered to believe all will be okay. And maybe it will. But dammit I want to be self-sufficient, enough for there to be risk with no nets. It's hard when you don't know how, but it's getting better. I don't want to sit around and complain how I don't know how to be. Now that I've started taking a minute drop of responsibility, I feel more and more peaceful with everyday. I don't want to chase boys, or stupid distractions. I am my world. So make it a peaceful and prosperous one.