What happened dear?

this is my blog where I open up.

no. one's. here. wow. i found a random email address on pete's old blog, and emailed it out of curiosity...and it bounced back... wow. i don't know, that just made me sad. it's gone... all the emails that have been passed through there, are gone. no one will read them again, no one will recieve them again, and it's gone. i need to get it out of my head, but it's never gonna happen. sorry, bianca, leave a message, but it won't be answered.

I'm not bitter. I'm not, really. I'm just saying what I'm thinking, which is on the edge of bitterness and scattered thoughts that are completely unconnected to each other (unless, of course, you're me).

So, what now?
Why don't I write a poem. or something resembling one. *sigh* it's always harder when I think, and all the good lines, I would never share.

i say what I'm not thinking
and I do what i dont please
it seems like i can never think
i need you to ruin myself.
don't let me get away, with being this way
i know that you can't stand it,
so help me turn away...
help me bury my dead ashes
but how am i here?
how can i be sure of anything that's not spat from lips lying to get off?
when nothing's absolute,
when nothing has purpose
why am i alive?

wow. i think the only thing that could be more stupid than that is if i would have spoken those words directly to you.