Lover, You Should Have Come Over

If I didn't know the difference, living alone would probably be okay. It wouldn't be lonely.
I've got a long way to go, getting further away.

Back when school first started, I was in an Elliott Smith mood a lot. You know the mood? The one where you feel absolutely hopeless and longing and somewhat beautiful and desperate (refer to: "Let's Get Lost"). It's because I missed you a lot. Now I still do (when you're gone I guess). But it's more like Jeff Buckley (funny you kind-of introduced me to both). Jeff Buckley is like the guy that died before his time. Elliott too, but it was a choice. Confusing, right? I always thought Jeff's music was sadder, because it was soft and sad and low, not quite as beautiful and harsh as Elliott's. With Jeff, you can hear the sadness in his voice. It's pretty amazing. Hard to Explain.

I don't know why I'm longing for things when I would have been happy with my situation several months ago. I really don't get it. I look back on this summer, and yes I spent a lot of time with my friends but I didn't spend *that* much time with you. There were just a few notable instances when I did. Like those weird 4 days after I came back from Italy. And a bit at the end of summer. But besides that... not much. Now I get to see you very often when I'm in town. I guess because I'm separate from you a lot when I'm at school, so when I'm back I expect to see you a lot more. I know it's not like in the long run it really matters. We have years and years ahead of us to spend days together if we want. I guess I just get so fixated on an idea sometimes that I can't let it go and I end up hurting myself. Like when I wanted to run away so badly. It's still on my bucket list. Here it is so far:

1) CHL!
2) Ski a black diamond.
3) Go bungee jumping.
4) Jump from a plane.
5) Go to Croatia.
6) Explore NYC with someone I'm in love with.
7) Fireworks (I know I've already done it, but hey I just put it to make myself feel better hehe!)
8) Kiss you (Done it!)
9) Tell you I love you (Done it!)
Okay now I'm just putting stuff I've done to make myself feel better. How about a 2013 bucket list?? YES.

1) GET MY FIRST JOB. YES. I need to start looking soon.
2) Perform on stage. At least 3 times. (See 3&4)
3) Perform on stage.
4) Perform on stage.
5) Do something at ND (like a play or a club or something) random that sounds totally awesome.
6) GET ALL A's! Work harder... Robin and I shall be smart ladies.
7) Go skiing. Yup. Sounds impossible considering all things but yup.
8) Set off fireworks again (Don't quite care when)
9) Explore Austin with Rob
9.5) Say yes to EVERY offer on April 12, 2013
10) Do all the teenagery stuff on my birthday...
     -TP someone's house
     -Make out at the movie theatre
     -Ding dong ditch
     -Get a longboard and start skating around listening to music hahaha
     -Have a prank calling night
     -Go on the roof of the school

I don't know what else. More to come tomorrow.