A Wishlist

I want the weather to be cold.

I want to feel rain on my skin when I run tomorrow.

I want to have a reason to shiver when someone mentions you.

I want to feel something tomorrow.

I want to be numb tomorrow, just like everyday.

I want Katie to be okay.

I want her to realize: she is like me, and that story didn't end well the first time.

I want my story to end better, speaking of that.

I want my naivety and my hope in the world to remain, after pain and irrationality have been stripped away.

I want the person I used to be to still be there.

I want to be her again.

I want to see the world through her eyes, to feel alive no matter what happened.

I want to feel alive.

I want this numbness to fade.

I want to have not ended up like this.

I want to go back in time and un-grow a few maturity years.

I want to be able to join in with people and not feel so out of place.

I want to start caring.

I want to stop caring.

I want you to please move on, although I don't. I wish I could make sense of my feelings. Perhaps pick them apart until they make sense.

I want to be able to understand this: if I abhor you, why do I pray that you will be okay?

I want to not contradict myself.

I want Jenna to be okay.

I want her to move on and not miss him.

I want her to stay with me because I feel as though she is one of my only friends.

I want to be able to express how much I'd miss her if she left.

I want her to see that I do care, really.

I want to understand life.

But more than anything, I just want the weather to be cold.