happy valentines day

hey.
how was your valentine's day?

anyways, i love you all :] hope you have someone to love today and someone to love you too.

haha this is what you get when you leave me alone for a day.

here: i've been bored out of my mind so i made up a lil' poem... or something like that.
this one goes out to you-know-who
p.s. this is probably going to bore you to death so don't read it... really, it's boring

i (don't) hate you
by me


i could never hate you
but there are so many things about you i could.
i hate...
i hate the way you brought me into this mess, and the way i didn't know
i hate it how it started and hate it now
i hate how you can look me in the eyes and say "sorry", when you don't mean it. It's like i mean nothing to you.
i hate how you include me to the point of exclusion
i hate how i am barely making sense, because i've been over this too many times in my head.
i hate that you try to care, and succeed.
i hate the way you slam the door, and it sounds so childish when i say it.
i hate that you make me cry.
but i hate it more that you make me laugh.
i hate the you made me stop caring and become numb.
i hate that you made me hate myself and everything around me without even trying.
i hate that i can't talk to you anymore without you insulting me
i hate the way you spend more time with him like he's better than me
i hate him, not you.
i hate that i don't love you anymore. i used to, but after what you've done, i don't think you need love, what you need is a reality check.
i hate the way you don't know anything about me, yet try to dictate my life.
i hate remembering the person you were, and he's never coming coming back.
i hate that you can't keep a promise. even bad ones. remember when you said "i promise, i swear to god, this is the last time you'll ever see me"? i remember, and yet i still see you.
i hate that you can't get your act together long enough to apoligize to your parents, because one of them doesn't even love you anymore.
i hate that you chose this, and don't seem to regret it.
i hate that i even have to think these things, when i could be writing about something much better.
i hate that even thought i don't care anymore, i still see you everyday.
i hate that you won't leave. you think we all need you, but you're wrong. you need us.
i hate that you'll never get your teenage years back. you'll look back and wish you could relive your life, but by then you'll be dead.
i hate that you make people worry.
i hate that you weren't there for me when i needed you. you were away in some other rehab that you'll blame your parents for.
i hate that you've given so much shame to this family, there's no leeway for me.
i hate that i have to be the "perfect child" because you're the screw-up son they never wanted.
i hate that you'll never read this. you'll never wake up and see who you are, you'll just keep living from each arguement to the next.
but most of all, i hate that i could never hate you, but i will never love you again. i'm caught somewhere inbetween, and i'm not sure of where i stand. i'll never find out how i feel about you, or if i even feel for you at all.
you'll always just be there, and i'll be far away, here. we'll never truly be the same again...
you said that i've changed, but you've changed even more, for the worse.
i hate all of the above so much you wouldn't know...
but i don't hate you. and i never will.